What Comes of No Compass
by FeralRaziel
Summary: The frustrating semitrue story about there not being a compass in SR1. So frustrating I wrote about it! Staring Raziel and the squid:


Bleh……Let's see if I can type a good story with no previous ideas.

Raziel (of course, every good story starts with Raziel)…Raziel was sitting somewhere in the hallways of Nupraptor's ruined retreat. He was taking shelter from the rain, or, more like, he was using that as an excuse to pause in his exodus across what seemed all of Nosgoth. He was examining his ruined anatomy, both slightly amazed and disgusted in himself.

He was supposed to be looking for a drowned abbey in which to find his brother Rahab. The mysterious Elder God had told him where it was in context to where he had been. However, the squid-like deity had used a specific direction. It was north, or perhaps it was south. Either way, Raziel meandered about everywhere he could with no luck. Sitting in the rank, long-abandoned hallway he came to the conclusion that, in the agonized fall through the abyss, he had lost all sense of direction. He had no knowledge of which direction was which.

In fact, he can't ever remember having to use north, south, east or west in any conversation or briefing he'd had as a vampire. The directions to towns or nearest cities usually consisted of, "Just keep going that way," which, needless to say, worked well enough. He recalled his brother Dumah asking of Kain where Coorhagen was. This was in the middle of a long story of his past Kain had been telling them, so Dumah wondered where Coorhagen was. Kain had pondered for a bit and furrowed his brow. "Somewhere…in that general direction." He had said and waved his hand towards the mountains. Kain backed it up with, "But that hardly matters now, does it?" Raziel now laughed at this.

Perhaps vampires just had no sense of direction. Raziel remained in the hallway for an hour or so, every 20 minutes telling himself, '_I should get up_.' When he finally did he resolved to go back to what had been the Sarafan Stronghold, so long ago, and start over. As he strolled out of the dilapidated, skull-shaped retreat the Melchiam were extremely weary of him, but didn't attack. They saw one of their own plummet from the very top of the structure at his hand, and therefore decided not to become stains on the landscape.

Well, as it turned out, Raziel had totally forgotten how to get to the stronghold. He vaguely remembered that there had been Dumahim to intercept him on his way. So he changed his resolve to start back at the Sanctuary of the Clans, where he had fought Kain and a menagerie of strange things had happened. It hurt his brain to try and decipher the situation without all the information, so he let it alone for now and walked on next to aimlessly. Setting the big, drooling, adult Dumahim on fire didn't jog his memory…but it _was_ fun.

Raziel was about halfway to the stronghold, which, by this point, remembered where it was. A voice boomed in his head. "Where are you going, my Angel of Death?" came the Squid. "Er…where you told me to go." Raziel responded. "You're going the completely wrong direction." Squid said. Raziel became agitated at this. "Yes, I know! I didn't remember where you told me to go, so I figured to start where I had come from." There was a silence. "But, I told you to go the Drowned Abbey, to which you will find your brother Ra-"

"I know! I just don't know how to get there!"

"You go south of the Sarafan Tomb and…"

Raziel sighed in exasperation. "Which way is south?" There was another pause. "The opposite direction of north, I suspect."

"God damn it! I know that!" Raziel exclaimed. "Well I would have thought that what was once the second in command to all Nosgoth at least know his directions." The Squid retorted. A Dumahim walking by saw Raziel animatedly yelling to himself and so decided it best to leave the wraith alone. "Well, apparently, vampires have no sense of direction, all right? And falling in an abyss for a number of years throws off one's perception of the world, okay?" Raziel seethed. "Alright….no need to get snippy about it." Said the disembodied Squid voice.

"Can you think of any other way to describe its location to me?" A pause, again.

"Nope."

"Well, do you have a compass?"

"What the devil is a compass?"

"Oh my God! ("yes?") I don't need to deal with this right now!" Raziel shut the voice out of his head and turned around. He made his way into the human citadel. It made him feel a little better to jump off the battlement towers and into the gaggles of women. It was amusing to watch them scream and run around in circles and, sometimes, even faint.

"So then he tears off my wings, right?" Raziel was telling a cowering peasant. "C-can I leave now, please?" he said. Raziel turned to him. "No. Now you're going to listen to my story or I'm going to hang you from a building by your pants and go eat everyone else's souls. You want that? No? Then shut your mouth and listen." So the peasant closed his mouth and listened intensively. Eventually Raziel thanked the random peasant and explored the rest of the Citadel. Eventually, still, he found a chamber with a small aquifer in it. In the aquifer was a strange sort of vampire that he'd not seen before. Assuming this to be a Rahabim, he asked it how to get to the Drowned Abbey. It told him readily enough and before it could think about anything else, Raziel killed it and ate its soul. Then made his way to find Rahab.

THE END!

Hope you liked it, then. I really actually can't find the Abbey for the life of me. As it turns out, the only time I ever let my little brother touch SoulReaver, he found the Abbey. I wasn't in the room. So now, as I replay it, I ask him where it is and he goes, 'I dunno.'

FeralRaziel: You should hollow out his trachea and use it as a musical instrument.

Oookay. FeralRazzy? You're going to eat this biscuit okay? And you're not going to eat it, but then spit the tranquilizers out, yeah?

FeralRaziel: …BISCUIT! SCORE!


End file.
